on quitting

So, we did it.  We quit.  We pulled Zane from his soccer team, with 3 games and 2 tournaments to go.  This decision is bittersweet, and yes, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.  It's one of those things that years from now, I will KNOW that we made the right decision, but right now there are a few stings that will eventually subside.  I tell myself that I CAN see the forest for the trees.  

Unlike in regular AYSO, players have to try out to be on the AYSO "Flex" teams.  In the boys' under 10 division, 10 players (amongst many) are chosen to play and compete against Flex teams in other regions.  These teams have the potential to stay together, year after year. After 2 days of tryouts, Zane made the team.  I remember Zane's reaction, days later, after receiving the call from his new coach.  We would be doing something, and out of the blue, he'd say, "Can you believe I made it?"  That's it.  Nothing else.  He was thrilled and showed it only in a way that I was privy to.  I knew exactly how he felt because I felt the same about his joy.

But then came the bumps.  I think Zane recognized that he was not the strongest player on the team, but he was holding his own.  That is, until he started getting signals that he wasn't being valued.  One of the assistant coaches is of the "screaming-after-the-fact" variety, the kind that can threaten and demoralize.  Sometimes, that kind of meanness lights the fire under a certain player, and motivated by the fear of not wanting to disappoint, he tries harder.  Not Zane.  Zane just gave up.  Sometimes he would just stand there on the field and not move any more than a mechanical player on a foosball table!  He had decided that if the coaches didn't believe in him, he wasn't going to even try.  Why should he, when he was going to let them down anyway.  We saw all this, and became frustrated with Zane's lack of effort.  We were embarrassed for him and for us, but we felt there was little we could do.

Then we started seeing more glaring signs.  He was quick to get frustrated with things.  He was starting to have "meltdowns" at school.  He was talking back and being disrespectful to the coaches at practices.  I was starting to wonder if my child was going through something major.  If I weren't the parent, I would have thought there was trouble at home!   Finally, last Tuesday he came home from practice and matter of factly told me that he sat out the entire time.  At first he wouldn't tell us why, so I just hugged him and told him that it must have been hard to sit out by himself, and that I wish I had known so I could have picked him up.  He started crying and told us that he told Coach S  (the yeller) that the drill the players were told to do was stupid, and that he'd rather sit out than practice something so useless.  And then it came pouring out!  His anger. His hurt.  His frustration.  He finally broke down and told us how he felt.  And then it all made sense.  While these coaches weren't necessarily abusing him, his sense of self worth was jeopardized every time we put him on the field with them telling him what to do.

It's been 3 days since our decision, and I'm already noticing that his step is springier and his laughs are more genuine.  The weight has been lifted.