home

Okay, it's been awhile since I've written, and I honestly don't have much to say, and it's not because I haven't had anything going on in my life.  Maybe I've had too much going on.  I've been told that sometimes we write to understand, and maybe I need to write it all down, so I know what is going on in my seemingly hectic life.

Homeschool is going well.  We have really good days where I think that I found my calling, that I should be doing this until I kiss my kids off to college.  I love it.  We read, discuss, and write.  We take little breaks.  Go for a run.  Grab a drink. Kick the soccer ball.  Play the piano.  Draw.  Sometimes at the kitchen table.  Or the floor of Zoe's room.  The couch.  And if I'm lucky, on the resort bed in the backyard.  Eric is in charge of science and physical education.  It's a good balance.  The other day, he took Zoe to the neighborhood pool, so they can scientifically figure out if the spear gun he made was too "floaty."  Next week they are going on an overnight at Crystal Cove, complete with public transport, for a little outdoor education.  So, overall, it's really good when it's good.  

Then, there are the not so good days, the tears-running-down-the-face days (both of us), like when we both question if we made the right decision after hours, sometimes continuous days of arguing like mothers and daughters do.  The once clear line of mother/daughter and teacher/student gets blurred through frustration and my student quickly becomes my child who does not hesitate to blame and yell in ways my high achieving child would never do in traditional school.  I know I have to be the bigger person, the one who gives in (why am I always the one who gives in?), but I too have my limitations and my pride and my resentments, so I am not always quick to forgive, but ultimately do, as we have to move past this.  Luckily I have a daughter who also has her mom's need for resolve, and she sometimes hugs me in the middle of our arguments when words have no place in how we both feel, frustrated and needing comfort. 

The closest thing I can compare this relationship to is a marriage.  We had our initial honeymoon stage where we both were on our best behavior, happy, excited, and eager to start a new adventure.  Then we quickly found the not so fun things that came with it, like paying bills and sharing household duties.  Right now we're getting into the comfortable stage as we figure out each other's expectations and trying to understand and respect each other's needs. It's a good place to be.