today

Today is a free day.  No volunteering at the school. No mama-do list.  Not even running...unless I get the sudden urge.  So far I did things that made me happy.  Kissed the love of my life before he went off to his boating class and hugged my other loves after I walked them to their respective lines at school.  I came home, put my pjs back on, and potted some succulents from the garden while listening to my ipod on "shuffle."  It was so peaceful.  I felt happy.

When I was going through an emotional rough patch a few years ago, I was looking for any means possible to feel better, and one of the things I immediately went to was gardening.  I pulled weeds out and sunk my hands in the dirt for hours, listening to music that made me cry and that transported me to a different place, some sadder and some happier, but always away from the present. I remember that day so clearly, even when the past week is so foggy to me. It was a hot January day, which isn't uncommon in SoCal.  The harder the sun beat down on me, the better I felt.  The sweat and dirt took my mind off whatever anxiety I was feeling and forced me to deal with the external world.  Anyways, between the music and the physical environment, something happened where I just felt better.  For that brief moment, I must have recognized that whatever issues I had were so small compared to the vastness of the past, the future, and the physical universe.  

Some people have prayer, others have quiet meditation in the absence of thought, and me, I have gardening and running, and yes, always with music.  I find solace in these activities, which explains why I like to do these things alone.

Okay.  I only have 2 more free hours left I better go.  (Yay!  I did another thing I love:  write - does it count if it's a love/hate thing?)